De ce esueaza relatiile?
Sunt relatii care, cu toate ca partenerii sunt compatibili, au credinte, mod de a privi viata si valori comune, ajung sa se destrame. De ce se intampla asta? Am sa-ti enumar cateva dintre motivele posibile pe care sa le ai in vedere atunci cand doresti sa ramai alaturi de persoana cu care simti ca te potrivesti.
– comunica asertiv (adica cu respect ridicat fata de partenerul tau cat si fata de tine insuti), nu jigni, nu acuza, nu-l umili si nu-l devaloriza pe cel de langa tine. Orice om isi doreste sa se simta pretuit, respectat, valorizat si iubit de catre partenerul sau, iar cand asta nu se intampla este foarte greu sa mai existe intelegere si armonie in acel cuplu.
– intampina-l cu bucurie atunci cand vine acasa, zambeste-i si ofera-i atentia ta. Lasa tot ceea ce faci in acel moment si ofera-i o imbratisare. Astfel, sentimentul de apartenenta, de „acasa”, il va face pe partenerul tau sa isi doreasca sa vina acasa cu drag.
– arata ca iti pasa de el, de preocuparile pe care le are si asculta-l cu interes atunci cand iti vorbeste despre jobul lui, despre ceea ce il framanta sau despre ceea ce se petrece in viata lui dinafara caminului. Fii intotdeauna alaturi de el atunci cand are nevoie.
– surprinde-ti partenerul cu mici suprize, fii atent la ceea ii face placere si ofera-i acele lucruri
– petreceti timp de calitate impreuna, indiferent cat de ocupati sunteti amandoi. O relatie se construieste, nu exista si nu continua de la sine, ci are nevoie de participarea implicata a ambilor parteneri.
– nu neglija relatia fizica, pentru ca ea este cea care contribuie la conexiunea intima intre parteneri
– nu-ti obliga partenerul sa faca lucruri pe care nu-si doreste sa le faca, nu-l manipula si nu-l santaja emotional. El nu a venit pe lume ca sa-ti satisfaca tie dorintele si capriciile egoiste, asa ca permite-i sa-si exprime personalitatea in orice situatie.
– o relatie functionala este o relatie in care nu simti nevoia sa ai secrete fata de partenerul tau, pentru ca asta arata ca nu poti sa fii tu insuti in acea relatie.
– adu-ti aminte ca doar tu esti singurul responsabil de fericirea ta proprie, partenerul tau a venit in viata ta ca sa ti-o desavarseasca, nu ca sa-ti umple golurile, sa-ti fie scut impotriva singuratatii, plictiselii, sa faca pentru tine ceea ce nu-ti doresti tu sa faci, sa-ti asigure siguranta materiala sau de alta natura. O astfel de relatie este o relatie „din interes”, nu una autentica.
– nu incerca sa-l schimbi pe partenerul tau, ca sa corespunda imaginii pe care tu ti-ai format-o in mintea ta despre cum ar trebui sa fie el; nu, nu stii tu mai bine ce este mai bine pentru el, ci doar iti manifesti neacceptarea si dorinta de control. Poti sa-i comunici calm ce anume nu-ti place la el, insa depinde doar de el daca se schimba sau nu. Daca nu o face, tu ai de ales: fie il accepti asa cum este, fie iti cauti pe cineva care sa-ti corespunda.
Iubire, respect, pretuire, atentie, afectiune si sex – acestea sunt ingredientele necesare si suficiente pentru o relatie functionala, intre doi parteneri compatibili.
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